Re:solve

It's been a few weeks since my last Sunday sermon (haha) so I'm back with a Saturday think session.  I am calling this week's post Resolve for two reasons.  First, I am resolving to try to stop overanalyzing and pushing so hard to always have everything be perfect at all times.  Second, when things aren't perfect, I try so hard to solve them because I don't like things to be unresolved.  Life is messy - it's hard work - and sometimes you just have to let things "be" instead of trying to solve them.  I need to work on this!  I often feel the need to overanalyze situations and then explain things in 15 different ways because I'm such an emotional thinker and I want to "right" situations immediately.  I hate discord, but sometimes I think you just need to let things stand.  Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear, they say.

I also am a firm believer in energies.  There is a field for every feeling surrounding each person.  I try to think positive thoughts and put positive and loving energy out into the world but life happens and sometimes you react in a way you shouldn't, or have a negative response to someone because their response seemed negative. However, if you react with a negative feeling, you will receive negative feelings back.  Negative feelings multiply, so replace those feelings with love and you will receive love back in multitudes.   "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."  Proverbs 23:7.

I have been struggling a lot lately with staying positive, as I've had a lot going on in my life that I'm not used to.  So I've been flailing about on the inside struggling with my feelings of anxiety over things I try to control but can't.  Because of this I've been trying too hard to gain control of my life.  So this morning I sat down and meditated on this, and it's come to me that the answers are sometimes simple, but hard to follow.  Sometimes you need to just let go and have faith that wrongs will be righted if you just put forth love into the world, and accept that everything takes its own course.  As your faith is strengthened, you will find there is no longer a need to have control, but that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them.  Life isn't meant to be a struggle, but we make it that way by trying to take control when we should be letting go and letting God take the reigns sometimes.  This is the hardest thing for me to do, because I always want to fix everything or make it how I want it.  But what usually happens is the opposite of what we want - we get in our own way.  I'm learning through self awareness.  I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I'm trying to just let myself be and have confidence that I'm on the right path and that I need to just relax and enjoy the ride a little more!!!!

I recently read the book "The Art of Racing in the Rain" which I referred to in my last post a few weeks ago (I recommend the book, and the author's name is in my last post if you want to check it out).  I can take something from that book - that sometimes you have to just figure out that instead of trying to control the car/life, you need to ease off and just let the wheel/life correct itself.  Let go of the past and mistakes you've made and just go forward with love and life will present love to you.

In love,

j'aime (which actually means 'love' :)

Re:store

Today is Sunday, which means many different things to people.  It can mean a day to give thanks to God for their life and the many blessings in it, or to pray that things turn around when they aren't going well.  It can mean a day of football and cheering on your favorite team.  It can mean a day to be lazy, sleep in, nurse a hangover, have brunch with friends or family, have a big Sunday dinner, etc.  Whatever it may be, Sunday is just a good day.  Today, I felt kind of tired and had a big fat sinus headache when I woke up, but I decided that I needed to get out in nature and go for a run to get some positive energy flowing through my body.  Maybe it will help my sinuses, maybe it won't, but it definitely helps my head in some way or another!

Midway through my run, it started to rain.  As the warm drops fell onto my hair and skin, I couldn't help but smile.  For whatever reason, I just love running in the rain.  It makes me feel alive and gives me energy like I can do anything!  Coincidentally, I'm currently reading "The Art of Racing in the Rain," a story about a race car driver's trials and tribulations, told through the point of view of his pet dog, Enzo.  Not to go off on a tangent about this book, but I actually got the book simply because the title reminded me of myself and my love of running in the rain.  I have had some of my best runs in the rain.  Ironically, the race car driver in the novel has his best races on rainy days.  I knew I was drawn to the book for a reason.  

To get to the point though, I think that running in the rain helps me get back to nature.  I believe that the universe and everything in it is filled with energy, and that sometimes that energy gets drained living in a city, going to work, longing for things you might want or need in your life like companionship, friendship, stress relief, whatever it may be for each individual.  This energy gets blocked by all of the concrete and metal and sometimes running in grass with some rain falling on your face is the medicine we need to bring out the positive energy in ourselves so we can create in our lives the things for which we most wish.  The more positive energy and love we give, the more we get back.  

For me, that's a hard thing, because I'm always so afraid that the love I give won't be returned, so I often don't put enough out there.  Fear of failure is something we are not taught to break past.  Some just innately get it and push through, and others let it hold them back.  Fear didn't hold me back from jumping out of the first airplane I ever flew in to go skydiving.  Fear didn't hold me back from jumping off a cliff into the ocean even though I was terrified (although I do not recommend anyone do that bc I got pretty injured).  Yet for some reason, I've let fear of rejection hold me back in other aspects of my life.  The great thing about being human is, we are all flawed and while people can hurt you and take things away from you, no one can take away your ability to improve!!!!!  So today, my "Sunday sermon" is to find something in your life that you struggle with, and work on improving it.  You WILL improve if you work at it - there is no way you can't...and as you improve, you will see what you want in your life clearer and you will get closer to attaining what you strive for most.  I see it every day that I give more love in my life - the love just keeps returning and I open even more to not being afraid to receive it.  Like running in the rain, you can only get better.  

j'aime 

Re:member

I think I created one of the most unfocused blogs out there!  This started as a running blog to get myself back into running a few years ago (hence the name Re:Run) but it's evolved into more of a "whatever is on my mind" blog.  I guess it doesn't really matter, it's good to just put something positive into the universe.

Here is my positive universe spreading word for today - remember.  Last Thursday my family buried a grandfather, father, husband, and brother.  My grandpa would have been 80 years old yesterday - he died 10 days short, but lived 80 years long.  It is good to cry over someone you love because it's part of the grieving process of missing someone that has been a positive influence over your life and the loss is great.  It's also part of remembering the happy moments that you shared with that person.  Those memories often bring tearful smiles.  Some of the best memories I have of my grandpa were playing euchre with him at holidays and going whitewater rafting up in northern Wisconsin when he bought too many shots for his daughters and granddaughters!  I'm so glad that this past year I was able to spend some time with him on a family cruise in the Caribbean and celebrate his 60th wedding anniversary just a month ago.

Looking at the life that my grandpa had makes me remember what life is all about and what makes a person "happy."  He cherished his family first and foremost, and his friendships with others, and it was obvious by the number of people who attended his services.  I have great family and friends, but I feel like I could do better by spending more time with my family and friends.  I think having lived alone for so long that it's easy to just get comfortable with that as your life.  I go through times when I feel lonely but I rarely reach out to those family and friends because I don't want to burden them or don't think they would really care, but I need to start reaching out more.  It's hard going through life alone, and no one should have to.  I think living in a city makes it harder because family isn't always right there.  I used to want to live somewhere warmer, but the older I get, the more I realize that it's not about the weather, etc.  It's about being near your loved ones and spending time with them.  The further away I live the more I miss the holidays and fun times with family, and having them be nearby when you need them and when they need you.  Also, it makes me happier. 

I recently read a book called "The Happiness Project" in which the author made a list of things she was going to do to make her happier, from doing small things every day, to bigger things to focus on every month.  I know that I need to engage more with others as I have a tendency to be an introvert.  Seems weird since I am very social and seem extroverted when I get together with others!  I am socially extroverted when I put myself out there, but I tend to not go and do things with others as much as I should because I kind of like being alone sometimes and not always being around people.  But, I know that it would definitely help my happiness to get out there more, so one of the things on my list for August is to join a social group such as a running group or a flag football team again this fall, to get active with others!  Who knows, this might be a way to meet guys to date too, since online dating has not been very good to me ;)  And I'll get exercise and meet people at the same time.  So I'm going to add to my blog topics (why not add another topic!) my happiness project list as well.  For August, my happiness goals are to:

1) Daily - spend 10 minutes meditating in the morning to get my mind ready for the day and give gratitude for something in my life.  
2) Weekly - Participate in at least 1 social event that does not involve going out to bars drinking.  So go for a run with a group or play volleyball, take an art class, cooking class, etc.
3) Month of August - The month is half over, but my goal for the rest of the month is to start training for a half marathon that is 6 weeks away and not care about speed or making myself get back to a certain shape, but to just enjoy the time running and learn to remember why I started running years ago and why it was always a great way to clear my mind. 

Life, like running, is a big question mark.  It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong?' (modified from a quote by Peter Maher, Olympian)

To running & living your life strong,

jai

Re:tired

I haven't posted anything since April, so I guess it's time for an update.  As you all know, I did online dating for the past year (eharmony for 6 months, then match for 6 months, and even 2 dates that were set up by a professional matchmaker who found me on match.com).  I haven't really posted a ton about those dating experiences, although I feel like I should have been chronicalling my endeavors because some were highly entertaining, some were heartbreaking, and some were not worth mentioning.  I have no Retired from online dating officially in June when my account expired.  Friends & Family, if I EVER mention considering online dating again, remind me to come back to this page and read this post before I seriously consider doing it again.  I'm not saying it was a bad experience, it had some fun moments and it kept me from getting too bored over the last year, but I do believe it is hard to meet a person online who doesn't continually go on dates in hopes of meeting "the right one" and then they never meet "the one" because they are looking for some "soul mate" that does not exist.  There are people online who are great, but it's hard to weed through it all and continually put yourself and face a lot of rejection and have to reject people as well. 

I am not saying that I am jaded or anything like that.  I am happy exactly where I am in my life, and I will find someone when the time is right and it will be someone who appreciates all of the qualities I have to offer and someone who will accept my flaws knowing we are all flawed. 

In the meantime, I'd like to share a quick blurb of some of my dates, for your enjoyment, and for me to reread and laugh at:

Trout the Dog - 51 Year Old Man:  Hi Jaime, "WE" were just talking about you.  Me:  Who is "WE"?  Man:  "Me and my dog Trout..."  Enough said about this guy.  I won't bore you with the email, but I do have a copy of it if you would all like to read it.

Blow Job Joke - Yep, some guy asked me out by sending me a playground blow job joke.  Sorry, I did not go out with him.

Crazy MKE Bipolar Divorcee - I can't even begin to explain this guy.  I can just tell you that the email was about 4 pages single spaced and it was written in a stream of conscience style that puts James Joyce to shame. 

Ok, the REAL dates - yes, I had some really nice dates that didn't go very far, and I dated about 3 people who I thought I had a connection with but later ended up getting my heart broke, and some just my ego bruised.  It sucks to get rejected, and I just experienced it this week.  It's hard to comprehend why things happen when you think they are going so well and then suddenly someone says they met someone else, or someone you dated a few months who says they "see themselves in a relationship with you," "just not long term."  What does that mean?  Either you see yourself with me or you don't.  Are you just saying you want to sleep with me?  C'mon, let's be honest here!  ha ha.  Despite these letdowns and setbacks, I know it's just the road I have to take to meet the person who is at the right place at the right time for me.  It's hard getting back on that horse, but if I don't, I know I will miss out.  So for now I'm retired from online dating, and am focusing on developing myself even more through my meditation and journaling, but I'm not retired from dating.  I just am not going to fill my plate with dates, but be more selective about who I open up to and let get to know me. 

This is my BRIEF version of my past year of dating.  The specifics are probably more entertaing, so maybe I'll tell a story or two here and there in the future, but for now this is a nice summary. 

Like my grandpa says, never go after a boy, let them chase you.  I think maybe those were different times because men don't really ask girls out the old fashioned way anymore, but I'm gonna take his advice.

In life & love,

Jaime

Motivate!

Eventually I'm going to run out of things to put behind the re: in my blog titles and then what will I do? :)

It's Monday morning and I'm seeing some sunshine outside, which is nice for a change. Since when did Chicago turn into Seattle? It's been raining a crazy amount in Chicago this Spring. One day it's 80 degrees and then next it's 40 and rainy. I'm just done with turning the heat off, then air on, then heat back on all in the same week! I'm ready for 80s and sun!!! I need some vitamin D!

So I've been trying this whole paleo/primal diet and reading lots of blogs and I have to say, it's fascinating and it's been a journey for me. I realize these truths - when I eat primal/paleo I feel energetic and awake, and then when I fall off the wagon and start eating a bunch of bad food, I feel super tired, achy, and just plain crappy. Now I'm not sure if it's the grain or if it's just the fact that I overate, drank too much, etc. My falls have not been scientifically analyzed, although that could make for a good experiment. I think overall, I just feel better focusing on healthy meats and veggies and if a few grains get thrown in I'm ok, but if I go down that slippery slope of eating pizzas, fried foods, etc. I completely let myself go and pig out and skip the gym. NEED MOTIVATION! As CNS and PhD Jonny Bowden says though, motiviation isn't something you find, it's something you have and you tap into it every day when you go to work or do something you don't want to do. Sometimes we don't want to go to work but we have to so we go! Sometimes we don't want to bring a dessert to a party but we promised we would go and bring the dessert so we follow through on our promises and do it! That's how I have to look at healthy eating and the gym. I just have to make a promise to myself to do it and hold myself as important as my promises to my friends, work, etc. Kind of like the Nike slogan - Just Do It!

Re:Volution

I'm always reading nutrition and exercise books and articles, always challenging the arguments on both sides of anything I read, so I'm constantly changing my diet and exercise routine up. Through all of my readings, I've come to these conclusions: 1) Eat real food. 2) Grains really are not necessary in our diet and shouldn't be eaten in the quantities that we eat them. A little is ok, but really no more than 1 serving of a whole grain a day. 3) Fruits and vegetables should be the basis of our diet. 4) Every meal should have some protein (and not a fake meat processed protein) 5) Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are no longer hungry. There is no set number of meals you should eat a day. Sometimes you eat once a day, sometimes you eat 3 times a day. 6) Protein shakes/bars are not food. It is highly processed and full of sugar or sugar substitutes that are terrible for you. The China Study was based on casein protein powder and showed a direct link between such processed powders and cancer and other diseases. The conclusions that were drawn from that was that all meat and dairy causes cancer. I challenge that correlation - to me, it proves that dairy that has been heated and processed into a powder is unnatural and causes disease. However, for thousands of years people have been eating meat and dairy (full fat, not that fat free stuff) without the rates of cancer we have. It's not the meat and dairy that are bad, it's the processed crap and chemicals. If you don't have time to eat a meal, then skip it (that's right, you won't die if you skip a meal people, and it won't slow your metabolism down - tribal men and women skip meals all the time and are some of the most muscular people on earth). Or, if you are really hungry and can't fathom skipping a meal, have a hardboiled egg and an apple or some Greek yogurt blended with berries. If you are vegan, have some hemp protein powder with fruit (yes, it's processed, but not as bad as some other things). Please don't use soy milk/yogurt - that stuff is full of GMOs and is so chemically altered it is NOT good for you! 7) Lift weights and back off on the cardio a bit. 8) Do stress relieving activities - journal, meditate, yoga, lay in the sun in the grass, take dance lessons - anything to get rid of stress. 9) Pay the farmer, not the doctor. Meaning, buy the highest quality food you can afford. Organic when possible, and for poultry/meat, buy grass fed or make friends with a hunter and get some venison. It is leaner and full of healthier Omega 3s. 10) All things in moderation. Yes, as Americans we know nothing about moderation, but try to exercise it a little! If you want some alcohol, have 1 or 2, maybe even 3, but that's it. If you want some dessert, have a little bit, not the whole cake, and have it occassionally - holidays, birthdays, bbqs, and maybe some ice cream on a summer walk. I really struggle with this one because once I have a bit of anything sweet, I am like an alcoholic who has had one sip of whiskey. I'm all over that sweet item like a dog in heat. So, I usually just avoid it altogether. But I do occassionally have a few bites and then exercise what I call "Pushaways" - push the plate away and if you have to, cover it up or smash it in your napkin so you won't eat anymore. You all might disagree with soome of the things I have listed, but this is what I know that works for me, and it is the way we should be eating. We would be a much healthier (and happier) nation if we ate real food and quit the processed junk, ate more in moderation, and played outside more. So what am I eating? Here's what I had for breakfast. Organic free range chicken apple sausage, 1 egg over easy, 2 big leaves of swiss chard, lightly sauteed in olive oil and a cup of black coffee. Healthy, filling and delicious. I probably won't even have lunch because this breakfast usually tides me over until 3 or 4 p.m. Then I might have a handful of almonds and a pint of berries or some jicama and guacamole and have dinner a little later (usually fish or lamb with a salad and some steamed or sauteed green veggies). Or, I'll just dinner at 4 p.m. and make it hearty enough that I'm not going to want to snack later because evening snacking for me leads to snacking all night long, which is never a good thing! So, let's start a diet revolution and get back to real natural food!!! Peace & Berries, Jaime