Re:member

I think I created one of the most unfocused blogs out there!  This started as a running blog to get myself back into running a few years ago (hence the name Re:Run) but it's evolved into more of a "whatever is on my mind" blog.  I guess it doesn't really matter, it's good to just put something positive into the universe.

Here is my positive universe spreading word for today - remember.  Last Thursday my family buried a grandfather, father, husband, and brother.  My grandpa would have been 80 years old yesterday - he died 10 days short, but lived 80 years long.  It is good to cry over someone you love because it's part of the grieving process of missing someone that has been a positive influence over your life and the loss is great.  It's also part of remembering the happy moments that you shared with that person.  Those memories often bring tearful smiles.  Some of the best memories I have of my grandpa were playing euchre with him at holidays and going whitewater rafting up in northern Wisconsin when he bought too many shots for his daughters and granddaughters!  I'm so glad that this past year I was able to spend some time with him on a family cruise in the Caribbean and celebrate his 60th wedding anniversary just a month ago.

Looking at the life that my grandpa had makes me remember what life is all about and what makes a person "happy."  He cherished his family first and foremost, and his friendships with others, and it was obvious by the number of people who attended his services.  I have great family and friends, but I feel like I could do better by spending more time with my family and friends.  I think having lived alone for so long that it's easy to just get comfortable with that as your life.  I go through times when I feel lonely but I rarely reach out to those family and friends because I don't want to burden them or don't think they would really care, but I need to start reaching out more.  It's hard going through life alone, and no one should have to.  I think living in a city makes it harder because family isn't always right there.  I used to want to live somewhere warmer, but the older I get, the more I realize that it's not about the weather, etc.  It's about being near your loved ones and spending time with them.  The further away I live the more I miss the holidays and fun times with family, and having them be nearby when you need them and when they need you.  Also, it makes me happier. 

I recently read a book called "The Happiness Project" in which the author made a list of things she was going to do to make her happier, from doing small things every day, to bigger things to focus on every month.  I know that I need to engage more with others as I have a tendency to be an introvert.  Seems weird since I am very social and seem extroverted when I get together with others!  I am socially extroverted when I put myself out there, but I tend to not go and do things with others as much as I should because I kind of like being alone sometimes and not always being around people.  But, I know that it would definitely help my happiness to get out there more, so one of the things on my list for August is to join a social group such as a running group or a flag football team again this fall, to get active with others!  Who knows, this might be a way to meet guys to date too, since online dating has not been very good to me ;)  And I'll get exercise and meet people at the same time.  So I'm going to add to my blog topics (why not add another topic!) my happiness project list as well.  For August, my happiness goals are to:

1) Daily - spend 10 minutes meditating in the morning to get my mind ready for the day and give gratitude for something in my life.  
2) Weekly - Participate in at least 1 social event that does not involve going out to bars drinking.  So go for a run with a group or play volleyball, take an art class, cooking class, etc.
3) Month of August - The month is half over, but my goal for the rest of the month is to start training for a half marathon that is 6 weeks away and not care about speed or making myself get back to a certain shape, but to just enjoy the time running and learn to remember why I started running years ago and why it was always a great way to clear my mind. 

Life, like running, is a big question mark.  It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong?' (modified from a quote by Peter Maher, Olympian)

To running & living your life strong,

jai

Re:tired

I haven't posted anything since April, so I guess it's time for an update.  As you all know, I did online dating for the past year (eharmony for 6 months, then match for 6 months, and even 2 dates that were set up by a professional matchmaker who found me on match.com).  I haven't really posted a ton about those dating experiences, although I feel like I should have been chronicalling my endeavors because some were highly entertaining, some were heartbreaking, and some were not worth mentioning.  I have no Retired from online dating officially in June when my account expired.  Friends & Family, if I EVER mention considering online dating again, remind me to come back to this page and read this post before I seriously consider doing it again.  I'm not saying it was a bad experience, it had some fun moments and it kept me from getting too bored over the last year, but I do believe it is hard to meet a person online who doesn't continually go on dates in hopes of meeting "the right one" and then they never meet "the one" because they are looking for some "soul mate" that does not exist.  There are people online who are great, but it's hard to weed through it all and continually put yourself and face a lot of rejection and have to reject people as well. 

I am not saying that I am jaded or anything like that.  I am happy exactly where I am in my life, and I will find someone when the time is right and it will be someone who appreciates all of the qualities I have to offer and someone who will accept my flaws knowing we are all flawed. 

In the meantime, I'd like to share a quick blurb of some of my dates, for your enjoyment, and for me to reread and laugh at:

Trout the Dog - 51 Year Old Man:  Hi Jaime, "WE" were just talking about you.  Me:  Who is "WE"?  Man:  "Me and my dog Trout..."  Enough said about this guy.  I won't bore you with the email, but I do have a copy of it if you would all like to read it.

Blow Job Joke - Yep, some guy asked me out by sending me a playground blow job joke.  Sorry, I did not go out with him.

Crazy MKE Bipolar Divorcee - I can't even begin to explain this guy.  I can just tell you that the email was about 4 pages single spaced and it was written in a stream of conscience style that puts James Joyce to shame. 

Ok, the REAL dates - yes, I had some really nice dates that didn't go very far, and I dated about 3 people who I thought I had a connection with but later ended up getting my heart broke, and some just my ego bruised.  It sucks to get rejected, and I just experienced it this week.  It's hard to comprehend why things happen when you think they are going so well and then suddenly someone says they met someone else, or someone you dated a few months who says they "see themselves in a relationship with you," "just not long term."  What does that mean?  Either you see yourself with me or you don't.  Are you just saying you want to sleep with me?  C'mon, let's be honest here!  ha ha.  Despite these letdowns and setbacks, I know it's just the road I have to take to meet the person who is at the right place at the right time for me.  It's hard getting back on that horse, but if I don't, I know I will miss out.  So for now I'm retired from online dating, and am focusing on developing myself even more through my meditation and journaling, but I'm not retired from dating.  I just am not going to fill my plate with dates, but be more selective about who I open up to and let get to know me. 

This is my BRIEF version of my past year of dating.  The specifics are probably more entertaing, so maybe I'll tell a story or two here and there in the future, but for now this is a nice summary. 

Like my grandpa says, never go after a boy, let them chase you.  I think maybe those were different times because men don't really ask girls out the old fashioned way anymore, but I'm gonna take his advice.

In life & love,

Jaime